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Constructing the foundation

Last year I made do with what I had, this year I will build what I need.

What this means to me

  • Focus more on the parts of myself I like, and how to expand them, over the parts I don't and how to cut them out
  • Build good habits rather than trying to break bad ones
  • Set realistic goals and be ok with failing
  • Building the parts of myself I want to maintain going forward

What this means in the concrete

  • finding and establishing a relationship with a therapist
  • reading more books, journals, articles, and papers
  • expanding my obsidian vault to more areas of knowledge and interest
  • Start Often Finish rArely

As a contradiction to point 1, I want to start cutting out the parts of myself that allow me to create more. Imposter syndrome, etc.

Checkpoint

It's a bit over halfway through the year, so I wanted to write a little progress report on how I have felt this year, and some of the things I have accomplished that I am proud of.

The biggest thing that happened this year was my decision to take a break from school for a while. I'm not sure if I'll return to the college I was at, or what the future holds, but I am glad that I made the decision to take a break. The hypercompetitive environment combined with me trying to get a hold on depression & anxiety led to me doing far worse than I could have. I decided to take this break to get a job, so I can get some savings, and work on personal projects that I think would allow me to get into the industries I want to be a part of.

This year has been a great year for my notes and general learning. I've been pushing my knowledge in C, general Linux usage, and Godot to prepare for a new larger project. One thing I want to do in the back half of the year is make some games, so I can populate my Itch with some fun experiments and tests.

My mental health has had its ups and downs, but I do think that I'm going in the right direction. I have had a few sessions with a new therapist, but need to get a more consistent schedule set up. I'm trying to meditate more often, and recognize when I get overwhelmed and need to take some time to decompress. The biggest hurdles I want to hovercome are my fear of failure that makes finishing projects difficult, and my imposter syndrome that discourages me from stepping out of my comfort zone.

Writing I did abt this

i_dont_care_whos_watching

authenticity_imposter_syndrome_and_enjoying_things

reflections_on_burnout

fighting_entropy_and_resisting_the_urge (fragment)

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